So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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