wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
