i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
