about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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