sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
