I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
