I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
