Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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