I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm too high and old for this...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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