then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
