I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
