i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
