problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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