In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
