Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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