I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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