the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We had to coat check the pizza.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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