I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
