Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
