i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
