just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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