Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
BRING THE BAGELS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
