I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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