I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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