You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
