I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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