I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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