What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
