I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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