That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
