i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
