So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
