I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
