My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
