Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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