And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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