well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
home. puking in laundry basket.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
