I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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