But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
