Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
