Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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