I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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