when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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