He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
