Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
