Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
