i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
