he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
