I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
