Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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