I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
