i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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