the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
