Me too!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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