I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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