I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just gift wrapped bread.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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