Don't you send me to vm
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
