I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
