Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is Oprah even human
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
