I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
