she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
