Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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