don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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