I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
