meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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