I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
