I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
